Aw fuck, I'm getting old. What used to be springy and bouncy has now lost all elasticity. My poor foreskin is sans vitality and is dangling around with a hangdog expression. It's particularly obvious that it's drooping because... well... it's drooping down to my knees. I knew my foreskin was stretchy - in fact, given that I used to be able to hide a chicken drumstick in it, it was probably more stretchy than average - but it came as a big shock to see where it fell to once the elastic perished.
It doesn't end there though. ...It ends at my knees, so it ends there in that sense, but what I mean is my aged foreskin, and the problems associated with it don't end there, although as we've established, physically it does end down by my knees. As you get older your hair turns grey. As you get older, hair grows in new and unpleasant places. I have a droopy, grey-haired foreskin. Not grey pubic hair, a hairy foreskin. Inside and out. Inside. A grey hairy foreskin. Grey hair inside my foreskin. I used to have such a beautiful penis, and now look at it: grey hairy foreskin hanging lifeless down by my knees. Hair on the inside of my foreskin? What the fuck is that about? I bet it'd probably feel quite nice if my foreskin were back up top where it belongs, but it just flops down, miles from anything, bored and lifeless. Fuck.
The grey hair on the inside is so disgusting. It's a total fucker to clean. Every time I piss, I have to then waddle over to the sink, fill the sink and my foreskin with warm, soapy water, and try to get the smell of piss out of my hair. Having a shit is no better either: when I sit on the toilet, my foreskin flops down, brushing against the wet bowl, and falls into the water, managing to catch any small, mushy, floaty bits. If anyone else has left anything behind before, I have to stand there flushing and flushing until it's all gone, and then pour loads and loads of bleachy detergent things down there, and then flush and flush and flush until they're all gone, so it doesn't sting. It takes fucking ages, and by the time I'm ready, a little bit has usually come out on its own.
Shaving, plucking or waxing the hair on the inside is not an option. (You shouldn't need to even ask why). There aren't any exercises I can do to bring my foreskin back to its giddy heights. It's ugly and lifeless and hairy and smelly. I'm getting old and I don't like it.