Do you want my apple core? I've eaten around it, but it's still good. Hell, it's still wet... check it out, it's still wet both from my saliva and from its innate juicy goodness. Any takers for my apple core? Awww, come on, y'know you want it. Just give it a little nibble and you'll be hooked. Sure, the seeds may be poisonous in large quantities, but this is only one feeble little apple core. What harm can it do? None whatsoever. Try it; you'll love it. Eat it. Please. If you don't eat it, then what the fuck am I supposed to do with it? Think about other people for once, will you? Do you see a bin around here, cos I sure as shit don't. I shat don't once, and the apostrophe played havoc with my sphincter - just a little extraneous information, but God is in the details. Hello God, how's it going? How are those details working out for you?
With no freakin bin the world might come to an end (if it weren't for the complete irrelevance of a discarded apple core and universal implosion). Biodegradation? Biodegradation, schmiodegradation. Ain't no freakin way I'm allowing this apple core to buy into your marketed hype about biodegradation. I ain't never not seen it no happenin before, so how the foik do you expect me to believe in no bio-McDegredation? Eat the freakin apple core; save us all, especially me. Je voudrais [the futuristic French version of the verb to save]. Yeah man, get the freakin message?
So go on, take a bite - what harm can it do? Minor poisoning? Pff. A small part to play in the grand scheme of thing. Well, I would eat it, but I've just eaten a whole apple, apart from one or two bits I left attached to the core to assist in washing it down for you. It's still wet - did I mention that? - but it's starting to dry out, and soon it'll be more brown than green. Can you cope with the guilt of someone else having to eat it in its burgeoning state simply because of your petty refusal not to? Fine, go ahead then, see if I care.
Oh please eat my apple core, I'm begging you here. Look into my eyes, and see how much it means to me. The eyes are the window to our soul, can't you see? Umm... no, I'd rather not tell you why, sorry. Drugs? Fuck no. What do you think I am? Why the fuck would I fucking drug you? I'm offended you'd even think me capable of such a thing. What the fuck do you think I'm about? Look, my ostensible reason for getting you to eat the apple core is purely environmental: there is no bin around here, and I don't trust the lauded rules of biodegradation, at least not in this instance. It's fair to say that I also have a certain ulterior motive, which I'm choosing not to make public knowledge, for autonomous reasons. I promise you as a faithful lesbian of many years that this ulterior motive is in no way negatory good buddy to you, me, your friends and family, or perhaps more concisely, anyone. I wish my good deeds to go unnoticed and unrewarded, and if that means that I have to tie you up, chew up this apple core and spit it down your throat, then I will.