Long Introduction
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I know people, they die. They sit atop the mountain of idiocy gazing forlornly at the mountain of pained embarrassment, wondering if they can jump from one to the other. All bar one of them have only one eye, and thus no depth perception; cue large rolling snowballs and death in some obvious way. The bar one had two eyes, but didn't tie the springs he deemed necessary to jump from mount to mount on tight enough; one more dead snowball. And there was another one: today's fool (Monday's fool is full of grace, Tuesday's fool falls flat on face, Wednesday's fool has far to go, Thursday's fool eats yellow snow, Friday's fool isn't much of a fool and is thus much like Monday's and Wednesday's, Saturday's fool is about the same, and Sunday's fool was too busy being foolish to remember to be born, so got born on Monday instead. Basically don't get born on Tuesday or Thursday and you're ok. It's probably got something to do with the letter T, but that's merely a hypothesis in progress so don't base any important decisions on it). ...today's fool, who has really long legs and can stand on pained embarrassment and idiocy at the same time.
"But what of the world outside metaphors?" squawk the circling vultures, wanting to die as much as the rest of us. My therapist (it's a Woody Allen thing, you wouldn't understand) tells me that I'm on a hiding to nothing if I speak to vultures. "But what of the world outside metaphors?" coo the circling doves, just asking the vultures' question through fear, but everyone's happy: vultures get an answer, I don't have to speak to vultures, doves get a stay of throat-eating. "But what of doves and vultures who've signed a non-aggression, non-cooing when the vultures are trying to sleep pact? Why in that instance should doves ask the question for the vultures? Are there any historical precedents? Won't you think of the children, and not humanity as a whole?" trill the tigers, putting on funny voices to impress the tigresses.
Ok, time to 'fess up like that gangsta bitch pimp ho Ricki Lake: I used to be fat and in John Waters films, and now I'm less fat, have well conditioned hair and my own talk show. Or I was going to 'fess up to something, but was waylaid. Or I was going to 'fess up (it's an ugly phrase, no?) that I had something to say but ended up spewing junk. Or I was going to 'fess up that I eat the corks from wine bottles as some anorexia homage.
Polite Body That Could Just As Well Be Done Without
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Today's fool popped a testicle in his youth; in itself not foolish, as we've all had mush sewn up in hospital after a dare by a blacksmith avec anvil et hammer. Hey kids, don't smoke through your penis, even if you want to grow testicular cancer to replace a lost loved one. If you don't follow my advice, then follow my advice and go the thin rollies route, not the nicked urethra with a breadknife route. If you don't follow my advice then at least let it scab over so you don't have to keep re-lighting the damp tobacco.
Stolen Conclusion
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Copper sulphate is blue. We can tell this by holding something else blue up next to it and noting the similarity in hue.