She emailed me in response to the shitty hair thing. It's too long to have on the front page. Enjoy.
I am convinced that you are a sociopath! While I have been accused of same,
I am afraid you take the proverbial taco, or cake, depending on your
culinary preferences and whether or not you have an ulcer, of course, or if
you have cavities, too (or previously filled cavities from which your alloy
or porcelain fillings have fallen out, leaving a highly sensitive hole that
has been drilled into your head by a person who was most likely educated in
a strip mall). I read the following most noticeable characteristics of a
sociopath/psychopath (I always thought there was a difference between the
two) I got from a website written by some quack psychiatrist:
1. Glibness/superficial charm.
2. Grandiose sense of self-worth.
3. Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
4. Pathological lying
5. Conning/manipulative
6. Lack of remorse or guilt
7. Shallow affect
8. Callous/lack of empathy
9. Parasitic lifestyle
10. Poor behavioral controls
11. Promiscuous sexual behavior
12. Early behavior problems
13. Lack of realistic, long-term plans
14. Impulsivity
15. Irresponsibility
16. Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
17. Many short-term relationships
18. Juvenile delinquency
19. Revocation of conditional release
20. Criminal versatility
21. Narcissism.
No need to fret, I will respond to your e-mail. Because the first paragraph
is pretty much incoherent and I would have to be under the influence of
mind-bending drugs in order to respond properly, I shall refrain from
responding except to say that the only thing I can say about batteries
saving someone's life is Ben-Wa, who, I am sure, has given a AA charge to
the lives of many a bored housewife. Wait? Before I go any further, who in
the hell are you, anyway? I respectfully ask that you tell me since this is
the first time I have received anything from you and I already have my own
theory and have made a bet with myself (but not with my neighbor's dog and,
if you cannot keep up, this goes back to the sociopath = psychopath = Son of
Sam, to whom neighbor's dog spoke on a regular basis = paranoid
schizophrenic psychopath with a dash of multiple personality disorder and
finished with a Bipolar II demi-glace = mmmmm, food = Jeffrey Dahmer =
another psychopath = sociopath = what really is a sociopath, anyway? = we
ALL meet much of the criteria = we are only human and it's in our nature =
instinct = animal = dog). Note: it is acceptable to ramble; however, make
sure your rambling goes full circle and eventually makes it back to the
original point(s).
Melissa Havison
P.S. If you're so smart and a fan of a Confederacy of Dunces, to boot,
let's see if you can guess how I came up with my username (notwithstanding
the "87")?