I am hearing
rumours on this list from people who shall remain nameless for
decorum's sake. Some of the rumours are abounding, some are
simply shuffling along in a threatening manner, all of them
concern the stock market flotation of America. It seems that
following the upcoming hostile takeover from either Microsoft,
McDonalds or [less satirical but more funny one] that shares in
America will be available. The big bad capitalist pigdogs have
hit what is commonly known in the Australian sausage industry as
a snag: all you Americans are the current nominal equivalents to
shareholders. If America is to become a big business, it has to
find a way of wresting the semblance of control from you the
people (to quote Michael Jordan or some other American hero-type
person).
If the rumours I
am hearing are correct, then there is a loophole that you all
must exploit to save America from getting more so. A couple of
pages of your Constitution got stuck together and have only
recently been rediscovered by certain so-called politicians and
so-called religious leaders. Instead of looking out for the
rights and needs of every American, they can instead appeal and
appease the two extremes which by association, osmosis, averaging
out, luck, filters through to the rest of the populist
population. Despite what you may have been taught by the
'political spectrum', the antithesis of communism isn't fascism,
but capitalism. The Cold War wasn't a political war, it wasn't a
war looking to safeguard the rights of the people of Korea,
Vietnam, Latin America and the rest; it was a war to safeguard
the rights of businesses in K, V, LA... Whether this is because
Hitler spoiled fascism for the rest of us by taking it just a bit
too far, or if extreme capitalism is actually further round the
horseshoe than fascism is not for me to tell you. (Of course
that's not to say that certain Nixons, Thatchers, Reagans, JEd
Hoovers and the rest weren't fascists as well as extreme
capitalists, or that Stalin wasn't a bad bad man).
In this most
extreme form of capitalism, the New American Constitution™
requires that communists are given first choice in buying shares
in America plc. Groucho's brother told communists that property
is theft. Extreme capitalism looks set to win again unless you
take advantage of the loophole. True communists won't be buying
shares in America, but if you join the Communist Party within the
next two weeks, you will be among the first group eligible to buy
shares. If you can also encourage everyone you know to join the
Communist Party then hopefully all the current members of America
will be shareholders in the New Future™. A fair and
equitable society for all, except illegal immigrants who have no
rights because they were fleeing torture and oppression and are
therefore able to cope with much more than your common-or-garden
American.
You can even
sign up for the Communist Party online. It involves displaying an
advertising bar in your browser, but for every person you sign
up, you will receive two cents, and for every person they sign up
you will receive one cent. I forget what the URL is, but if you
join up use my referring ID which I can email you on request.
Remember the
words of Jefferson Airplane: China just shuffles along in the
shadows before conquering us all