How do you sleep? On my forehead. Doesn't that hurt? That's the point. You want your forehead to hurt? No I don't want my forehead to hurt, but it stops me from sleeping. So you don't actually sleep on your forehead, you just spend eight hours pressing your forehead against something hard? My pillow's not hard. But it's uncomfortable? Oh, of course it's uncomfortable; if it wasn't uncomfortable there wouldn't be any point doing it. So what is the point? Of? Of not sleeping on your forehead. So I don't sleep. Why don't you want to sleep? I can't sleep. Why can't you sleep? Because I push my forehead into my pillow. But why? So I can't sleep. Yes, but why don't you want to sleep? It's not that I don't want to, it's that I can't. Yes, but you can't sleep because you push your forehead into the pillow, and you push your forehead into your pillow because you don't want to sleep; there must be something else. I don't sleep. Anything else? Surely. Whatly? Whatly? Whatly. Whatly. I need to defrost some non-minty peas in my mouth. We all do, but this isn't the time nor the place. I suggest it is. Well, I suggest it isn't. Well, I suggest it is, and I'm going to do it, and you can't stop me. I can try. You can, but you've failed: they're in my mouth already. But you're not even mumbling. I've been practising. You've been chewing. I never chew. You're chewing: I can see your jaw moving. That's me talking. That's you chewing. Well, it's your mouth so I bow to your lies and dishonesty. Damn straight, bitch. Do the frozen peas have anything to do with you not, not wanting to, not being able to sleep? They're not frozen, they're defrosting. Same question then, just replace frozen with defrosting. No. Just no? My life is a series of non-sequiturs. That's very gallant; does it mean anything? Yes, it means my life is a series of non-sequiturs. I see... and what effect does this have on your everyday life? It plays havoc with my sleep. Ah really. No, not really; it's the not sleeping on my forehead that really does the damage. And why do you do it... this 'damage' as you put it? I've told you: because I don't want to sleep. Yes, and I've told you there must be more to your reasoning than don't, can't, won't. You didn't use those exact words. Well, not in that order, perhaps... You haven't said reasoning once. Haven't I? No. Maybe not to you, but I've certainly said it in the past, even about you on some occasions. You talk about me? I talk about everyone. You talk about me? I talk about you. Why? Because you don't sleep. I do sleep. When did you last sleep? Last night. For how long? I didn't count; I was too busy pressing my forehead into my pillow. Because you didn't want to sleep? No, out of habit. You did want to sleep? No, I didn't want to sleep as well, but on this occasion habit was the driving force. Habit was the driving force? Habit was the driving force? Habit was the driving force. Who's asking the questions here? You? Me. What's your next question? What's the point? Of? Not sleeping. I'm not doing something I don't want to do. You're not doing not sleeping, or you're not doing sleeping? I'm not doing sleeping, pay attention. But you slept last night? Yes. But you didn't want to? Oh, I did; I always want to sleep, I just don't want to. And that's why I push your head into my pillow? No, that's why you push my head into their pillow. I don't push your head... ...And I don't push your head. I don't think I ever said you did. Me neither. You push your head into your pillow. No, you push your head into your pillow. I don't. I don't either. And you sleep well? I sleep perfectly; how about you? Oh, I can't complain. Can't or won't? Can't. ...Really? Well, I find myself sleeping on my forehead more and more lately; it's become a bit of a habit. What made you take it up in the first place? I didn't want to sleep? Why ever not? I can't sleep, and I didn't want to force it, so I thought if I didn't want to sleep it'd cease to be an issue. ...But it didn't cease? No, it didn't cease. And now you're stuck in the cycle of can't, won't, don't, habit? That's simplifying the issue somewhat, but in laymen's terms, yes. Doesn't it hurt? Doesn't what hurt? Defrosting peas in your mouth: don't you get a cold tongue? Oh, yeah it gets cold, but it's not painful. You don't have sensitive teeth then? No. You're lucky. It's not luck, it's chance. You're chancy then. What do you mean by that? Just that you so easily could have sensitive teeth, and I could so easily not have sensitive teeth; imagine how different your life would be if that were the case. You're just riddled with schadenfreude today, aren't you? Well, it is Tuesday after all. It's not, it's Monday. Monday? Monday. You're sure? I know what a Monday is. And today's really Monday? It's Monday. Monday? Monday. But if today's Monday, what happened to Tuesday? It's tomorrow. Tomorrow? Tomorrow. And Sunday? Yesterday. And the other days just slot in around that? You'd better believe it, buster. Don't call me buster. Why not? Just don't call me buster, ok? You make the rules. You'd better believe it, buster. Don't call me buster? Why not? I don't really know; it's late, I'm tired. Not been sleeping well? Not especially. Why not? I keep finding cold non-minted peas in my bed. So put them in the bin. Ah, but I usually find them by rolling over and squashing them. So don't roll; lie still. The human body is designed to roll and move as it sleeps to keep the muscles from seizing up. Seizing up? Well, maybe not quite seize up, but you know what I mean. I don't roll as I sleep. You lie still all night? I lie still all night. How come? I push my forehead into my pillow. Ah, it all makes sense now. Yes, but the limited amount of fun has disappeared now that we've reached an understanding. It always does.