IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE SILLY YOU CAN GO OUTSIDE

I got rid of the swans in the end: they were just too distracting. Big bed is all well and good, but the second you think about sheets they have to be silk, and the second you have silk sheets you get all wanky so you need swans to oh y'know, be all silk sheety. You don't get it, but so what? You're not supposed to. Swans. Y'dig? Swans are great. Big bed. Forget about silk sheets cos they're a bugger to clean. Big fluffy duvet if it gets cold. Big bed. Big duvet. Swans. Which means a moat, which meant moving bedrooms to the ground floor, which meant digging up the hard concrete foundations instead of breaking through a door and plaster and never mentioning that someone tried to kill me, which meant back-breaking labour and six months of lying in traction with a broken back and all sweaty and smutty from the work, and you might think that that's all rippling muscles, but after six months of rancid sweat and concrete dust forming a crust on your upper lip you'd think twice and thrice and probably not bother in the end, so before I got the swans and after I'd been released from hospital I dived into the moat (knowing how deep it was, but not knowing that knowing how deep it was also went with not diving into it if it wasn't deep enough to dive into). Another six months in hospital to recover from paralysis - I'm a marvel of modern medicine and they all want to study me and find out how come I'm all perfect, or as perfect as someone who spent the best part of a year in hospital recovering from a broken back and then paralysis, which I didn't really do, but it sounds cool to say cos chicks dig scars and I didn't get any scars but there's always the prospect of compound fracture scars on the lower back, and once you've got your top off at least a little something is guaranteed - but I said no, I had swans to buy, and I now didn't stink cos I'd bathed in moat water six months ago, so I smelled as fresh as a baby's bottom that had been in moat water six months ago, and I bought me some swans.

The thing with swans is they sound better than they really are. They can't break your arms if you know how to deal with them: if they try anything, just kick the fuckers in the knackers and they go down like a slut on heat. They are ugly close up and they make a lot of noise and they shit a lot. Keep them floating in the background on your moat around your bed and silent and shitless and you'll not notice how ugly they really are and they'll just be swans floating around your big bed with clean sheets and a big duvet and coffee and chocolates for afters. Train them to be docile and they might be silent, but if you scream near their head however docile they are, they're gonna join in the noise and we all know the noise that swans can make, don't we, children? They'll shit themselves (or laugh) if you take them by surprise. They'll shit themselves anyway because they're swans, and swans shit, cos that's what they do when they're not being wiped on Rabelais - nice arse, shame about the face. You've gotta starve them, it's the only way to keep swans if you want to keep them in the moat that surrounds your big bed. Keep them just on the brink of death so they hardly move, won't shit, won't make a noise, but can just about maintain buoyancy so you're not worrying about the dead swans with flies buzzing around them whilst you're trying to mount your good lady wife. It's what I did. Semi-conscious swans. Lovely.

Despite not being raised Catholic I do often feel guilty in the second or so after ejaculation; I don't know what it is, maybe it's just serene relaxation and I call it guilt because I know no better. I certainly feel emotions right after, emotions I tend away from usually, and this one time I saw these poor dear swans whom I'd consigned to a lifetime of hunger and death if I fell asleep afterwards which I don't tend to do. I couldn't do it. I couldn't treat them like that. I'd never be able to concentrate again; their silence would haunt me, their lack of shit would haunt me, there's no way I could maintain an erection after that... I could try, but I'd rather succeed than try, y'know? Open the window, chuck the swans outside, wonder how to explain a moat in the bedroom, wonder how I managed to summon up the energy to swim across to chuck the swans out of the window, wonder if I have the energy to swim back, fall asleep on the other side before I can decide whether to risk it. It wasn't terribly romantic in the end, but it weren't bad, y'know?