I'm
in somewhat of a quandary; I don't know which way to turn. Left,
I think. No, I'm just kiddin', just playin' wid ya, just joshin',
foolin', stirrin', sippin', addin' more sugar, stirrin' again,
and drinkin' in one big gulp. But seriously folks, I'm in a
quandary... a limestone quandary! No, I'm just kiddin'. Why oh
why oh why oh why oh why oh spells yoyoyoyoyo. Why do I resort to
poor humour whenever I fear saying what it is I have to say? Fuck
knows. Anyway, the quandary I have is deep, scary, and all that
associated shit. My morals are currently undergoing a brief brush
over, just to remind myself what I believe, what I can justify to
others if I need to, and what I can get away with. In a direct
battle between life and computers, who wins? I need to know the
answer, so everything else can fit into place, logically. If that
one brick is loose, all the rest will fall down, crushing the
small child I asked to check the wall for me, and probably
hurting him or her quite a lot. It may not sound like a big issue
to all of you who have fully honed your morals to a fine point
(4H?), but to me, it's big, and very scary.
I
love life, but I hate people, and people make up pretty much all
of life. Whatever can it mean? I hate computers, but I love
email, the word processing capabilities, message boards and free access to
illegal pornography. Why do I resort to sex as the final funny
option? Do you see the quandaric (and it's not a word: I looked
it up. I still don't know what a Manchurian Candidate truly is,
as my dictionary doesn't tell me, but I do know how to spell
pleasantries, and I'm fully home with the trusty dictionary by my
side) nature of my existence? Life, or computers. Which wins? And
would the winner then be able to beat the winner of the other
semi-final between Spiderman and Batman? You can't undo life,
reload a saved game with F4, coast through Mario World in a day,
never die, never delete an important sentence or paragraph by
mistake, never make a mistake, never learn from them? You can't
never make a mistake = you can make mistakes in life, and learn
from them. I may fuck up shit from time to time, but I'll always
make the effort to clarify it for you afterwards; in exchange,
all I ask of you is you let me brag about my surround sound
speakers from time to time. No more any of that shitty stereo
quality for today's Top 20 hits, no no no; I have sound coming
from everywhere, oh it's so full, like a competitive fat man at a
food eating competition. Who knew The Wildhearts could sound this
good? Oh my god, I've gotta try Atari Teenage Riot... that's
gonna be sooooooo cool. Shit, I'm so excited. I'm like a giddy
schoolgirl, except I have slightly bigger breasts, masquerading
as muscles.
There
have been times where I have wanted to Edit ==> Undo life.
(Letting y'all know of my secret desires to dress up as a
schoolgirl being one of them). I would learn from my mistakes,
honest I would - and even if I didn't learn the first time, I
could undo again until all is well with the world and (ooops, I
didn't realise this would go this way) win the hand of Andi
MacDowell. There have also been times when I haven't wanted to
Edit ==> Undo computer fuckups. Things should just flow all
the way, it shouldn't be fair for me to be able to remove my
embarrassing spelling of Shi'ite (not that I'm shitting on
anyone's religion, cos I wouldn't do that) with such ease, but
today's modern contemporary typewriter user has to retype his or
her whole page to avoid a fat war. I should play Mario through
only saving at the allowed save points, or even not at all. I
should accept death, if and when it comes. I should do all of
that, but ultimately, I'm a lazy, apathetic cunt, and if I can
click one button to undo a fuckup, I'm going to do that. The big
problem comes from explaining to myself and others, if necessary,
why I allow myself to do so. Perhaps, the lowly chorus sings out,
the time has come to replace all with "It just is."