As he broke through his arm, Lagniappe Sauregurkenzeit said to no-one in particular "I've broken through my arm. It reminds me of the last time I broke through my arm. It also reminds me a little of the time I broke through my leg, but the pain is located more in my arm than my leg this time."
No-one in particular looked at Lagniappe Sauregurkenzeit and said "You appear to have broken your arm. You should probably see a doctor."
Sauregurkenzeit Lagniappe (Lagniappe Sauregurkenzeit by another name) listened to no-one in particular saying that he appeared to have broken his arm and should probably see a doctor, and replied "Nah. I know what to do, don't worry. I'll just keep it still until it heals. Ain't no biggy."
"Doesn't it hurt?" asked a passer-by.
"Doesn't what hurt?" asked another passer-by.
"That guy has just broken through his arm," explained the first passer-by, who had passed by just in time to see Saurelagniappe Gurkenzeit break through his arm, to the second passer-by who had just missed it.
"He should see a doctor," said the second passer-by. "Mate, you should see a doctor."
"As I was just saying to no-one in particular," replied Saul Reaganippe-Zurkentige, "There's no point seeing a doctor, 'cos I know just what to do."
"Doesn't it hurt?" asked a passer-by - the same passer-by, in fact, who first asked if it hurt, and felt hurt that the second passer-by had had his question answered, when he, the first passer-by, ahead of the second passer-by in the question queue, hadn't had his question answered.
"Course it does," said Lagniappe Sauregurkenzeit (quickly bored of changing his name). "I've broken through my arm. If it didn't hurt I'd be incredibly worried. I'd seek medical advice immediately to find out why it didn't hurt, how long I had to live, what my quality of life would be like, and how best to remove this pear from my bottom."
"You have a pear in your bottom?" asked no-one in particular. "He has a pear in his bottom, I think," no-one in particular said to the first and second passers-by.
"I don't have a pear in my bottom. I wish I'd not said that now. I was trying to be amusing, but it was just boring. Sorry. I'm bored of bottoms." Lagniappe Sauregurkenzeit knew his mind. He knew where to find it, knew roughly what it looked like, had a vague idea as to the thoughts it had. If he said he was bored of bottoms, he probably was, unless he was lying or joking. A lie's a lie even if it's a joke. Jesus hates liars, Jesus hates jokers. Jesus is full of hate.
"Shouldn't you see a doctor?" asked another passer-by, who passed on by before he could be answered. No-one in particular chased after him to set him straight on the facts they knew so far, before dashing back to catch up on the facts they'd not yet learned.
"My arm hurts," said the second passer-by. Muscle pain probably, fuck knows.
"Your arm hurts?" asked Lagniappe Sauregurkenzeit. "You should try breaking it, then you'd know what a hurt arm really felt like."
"Ok," said the second passer-by, and broke through his arm. "Oh yeah, that does hurt. I don't know what I was complaining about before."
"Can I try it?" asked no-one in particular. Before anyone could reply, no-one in particular broke through their arm. "Ooh it does hurt."
"I was going to say you couldn't," said the third passer-by, who'd taken care of bidness, and was passing back the other way. "I don't know that you would have listened to me, as I have no influence over you, having only passed you by briefly before, but if you are going to ask, at least you could wait until people have responded before going ahead anyway. Let me show you how it should be done: does anyone mind if I break my arm?" Lagniappe Sauregurkenzeit and the others shook their heads. The third passer-by broke his arm. "See? Just simple politeness."
"Hurts, doesn't it?" said no-one in particular.
"Yep," said Lagniappe Sauregurkenzeit, the second passer-by and the third passer-by.
"You wouldn't catch me breaking through my arm," said the first passer-by, as he ran off licketty-split, breaking through his arm as he went.
"Gosh," said the second passer-by, the third passer-by and no-one in particular. "We've got no hope of catching him: he's awfully fast and he's got a head start."
"I agree," said Lagniappe Sauregurkenzeit. "But I wouldn't be the man I was if I didn't try." He ran, tripped, broke his other arm, scraped his knee, picked himself up, hobbled, tripped, snapped his ankle, picked himself up, hobbled some more, tripped, broke his hip on the leg that the broken ankle wasn't on, picked himself up, hobbled, and damn well caught the first passer-by, who had tired worryingly rapidly. "You should see a doctor, mate. You tired worryingly rapidly."