The trouble started when he said "Let's bomb Mexico." Y'see, what I did was take him at his word, but what he really meant was "Let's bomb Mexico as long as no-one finds out it was my idea." Crazy guy... well I guess that's what life is like in the modern army. Not THE modern army, just A modern army, for fear of reprisals amongst my old army buddies in THE modern army who like to take people outside, then take them inside again - a bit like Chinese water torture, but with just as much strain on the torturer as the tortured, unless they put them on a pulley and just wheel them back and forth from the comfort of an armchair or a sofa, or even an armchair with a spring sticking up from it, as long as it's not too uncomfortable, in which case they might perch on the arm, or perhaps sit on the floor if they could still reach the rope. Crazy guys.
You can get far in this world with hard work and natural talent, and I was the exception when I joined the army a couple of weeks in the future (I tire of everything happening yesterday or last week). I dunno the proper army names and stuff, so suffice it to say that I climbed up to a position of such power that I would be entrusted with the bombing Mexico thing in a matter of hours. So he said "let's bomb Mexico," and I did that cool efficiency thing. Far be it from me to say how great I am, but to formulate and road-test a plan to bomb Mexico in under four hours, with no motive in sight other than the whim of a - I think - superior army guy, deserves a little credit, yet when we came to the trial all I got was immunity from prosecution as long as I helped pin it on someone who no-one liked.
They would never allow the details to come out in the trial, but I could do with a little bit of ego-tweakin praise: the focus groups loved it. They loved its simplicity (fly out to Mexico and drop bombs), they loved the projected carnage (Mexico would be bombed; we'd ad lib after that), they loved the main protagonists (THE army, AN army and those Mexican men, women and children - cos you can't discriminate even if they deserve it - most susceptible to explosions). What they loved most was the recruitment drive: "Join The Army And Bomb Mexico". So popular was this that we even ran test test runs to see what kind of take-up we'd get. That Mexico (not that there Mexico; read the rest of the sentence and you'll see how it makes sense. Sorry for interrupting) was chosen as the home of the test runs was perhaps what saved both me and a shady man named X from any culpability whatsoever. The Mexican government was able to bolster its treason statistics by executing the 14,000 people who tried to recruit, much to the delight of Amnesty who were pissed off with people's constant moaning, and just snapped, leaving them to sort out their own fucking problems for once.
And, like all good corruption and death stories, we come to the trial. You won't believe the drama that didn't occur. To my howwor, the lawyers weren't as exciting as they are in the films, and were even duller than they are in real life. All the details were suppressed by the bought judge whose big secret was that he wasn't really a judge - any outrage was quickly quelled as he revealed that he'd just passed his judging exams at night school the previous day, and was now suing them for some trades descriptions thingy as soon as he could pretend to be a lawyer too. There was a surprised witness, but she'd stumbled in drunk from the Plastic Surgery Addicts class next door, and then stumbled out even drunker after kissing the defence lawyer and stealing his hip-flask full of crème de menthe. Not much changed after the trial fizzled away. I was asked to resign my commission and I replied saying that they'd have to sack me before I quit the beautiful source of truth and justice that is THE/AN army, so they did.