I've sympathised with more menstruating women than you've
had hot sluts. I've recommended the hairdryer thing from
Rosetta, I've held a warm arm to an internally bleeding
belly (the outside of an internally bleeding belly), I've
said aww, I've said bummer. Chicks dig sympathy man, and
even though your making a long term (week tops?) commitment,
once you've said aww, you're in as soon as the unused ovum -
or is it ovary? - is out.
With four choices of sympathy I often feel unoriginal and
cheap, unable to remember whether I sympathised identically
with their identical twin, cuter but less willing friend or
strangely not unattractive mother. With a varied selection
of e-cards then I'm covered even if the entire Norwegian
jiggleball team drove in on a coach with synchronised
periods.
Nothing says listen to cheap midi music like an e-card. "Oh,
thanks for the shitty little e-card," people say, and you're
covered. Why not menstruation e-cards? "Oh, thanks for the
shitty little menstruation e-card; it hasn't stopped the
cramps, but at least I know you care. When this horrible
period in my uterus' history is over I'll have sex with you
if you want."
Feel the love. Taste the love. Gargle with the love. It's
simple, it's easy, someone else does all the thinking for
you, you get sex out of it, she gets sympathy out of it, the
struggling British e-card industry gets a much needed shot
in the arm, the struggling British heroin industry gets
nothing, the thriving British black pudding industry gets to
skim off the used tampons from flushed toilets as it has
done for years. Mmm tasty.
Decry away bitch, I've got answers. E-cards not sympathetic?
Fuck you. Jari Litmanen broke his wrist in eight places
playing for Finland, and he played on, not even realising
what he'd done. That's 'ard. It took him weeks to get over
the breaks, and you're just moaning because of a few days?
He had snapped bones, and you just had blood. Jari Litmanen
isn't even that big and 'ard to look at him, he's a scrawny
little creative genius of a playmaker, and you're a big fat
'ard woman with bloating. I'm sympathetic an' all, and I'll
happily send you an e-card saying aww about the blood, but
if you choose to decry my choice of sympathy you lose and
Jari wins. Bitch.