MOSSUL NOT MOSTUL

Archie Archie Mostle was a troubled man. He had troubled eyes, he walked with a troubled gait, his clothes made him look troubled, as did his face. If his middle name weren't Archie, it wouldn't be Troubled because few people have adjectives as middle names. Were time travel possible, were mutant evolution of language more commonplace in this new past than our current past so that his parents had Troubled to pick from as an acceptable name, had troubled also retained its current definition, and had they opted to call him Archie Troubled Mostle, it would have suited him - he was, after all, troubled.

'Most everything troubled Archie, but 'most everything - to Archie - was Archie. His eyes troubled him because they made him looked troubled, similarly his gait, clothes and face - that of it which wasn't already covered by his eyes - all of which in themselves were fine, but troubled him because they made him seem troubled. Archie's long-suffering sister - long-suffering as Archie was troubled - reasoned that if Archie was troubled solely because he looked troubled, there must have been a time, a moment, when Archie wasn't troubled even though he looked it. She must be right, she told Archie, because she was the smart one. She was the smart one, and Archie was the dum one - people had always decided that Archie was erring towards dumness because he had a middle name identical to his first name and that sort of thing isn't smart. Archie's long-suffering sister's middle name was identical to her last name, but she wore it well: Archie Mostle Mostle. Archie, of course, isn't a frequent chick name, but when you meet a dame with a dude's name, you know she's one smart tamale - not 'cos of bitchy misogyny, but 'cos it's just the way of the world, although everyone's equal and everyone loves everybody, especially fat people and cakes.

If Archie Archie Mostle was once not troubled, further reasoned smart but long-suffering Archie Mostle Mostle, perhaps she was once not long-suffering - for she was, as mentioned in a previous paragraph in their life, long-suffering for the same reasons that Archie was troubled. This troubled Archie Mostle Mostle, although her eyes, gait, clothes and non-eyey face revealed nothing but suffering - and long suffering at that. Archie Mostle Mostle had never seen his sister troubled before: she had always taken the weight of the world squarely on her shoulders, leaving her eyes, gait et clothes y face showing all the signs of long-suffering. He was dum, and didn't do all the reasoning about which came first; he'd always presumed her back problems from carrying the weight of the world, which made her cranky and liable to shout like a bleeding bitch (menstruating dog, not shot woman), was causyish in her long-sufferingnessosity. And he'd never seen her troubled before. This troubled him.

For the first time in his life, Archie Archie Mostle was troubled by something other than his own appearance of being troubled. He was wise, old, mature, wrinkly, he was showing compassion for another human being. He put aside his own petty worries about looking troubled, and set about being troubled by his sister being troubled that she might not have needed to be long-suffering if she was only long-suffering because she looked long-suffering as her brother had been troubled simply because he looked troubled. Still troubled, although for a different reason, Archie Archie Mostle continued to look troubled. Seeing her brother still looking troubled and acting troubled, Archie Mostle Mostle didn't suspect that he was now genuinely troubled, and so her sense of being troubled continued unabated, as did her appearance of long-suffering, and there was always the chance she might remember she was long-suffering too. Not happy times for the Mostle progenies.

As with all things there's a happy ending: they'd been resigned to their individual and collective fates since the ages of nine and six, so they weren't too bothered by it. Lovely.