In a fit of epilepsy I put a coprophage in a centrifuge. Messy business, but not in the way we'd hoped. We hired a centrifuge for the afternoon so we could spin him; he wanted the mess, I thought it'd be better than not doing it. When we got there, they said they didn't allow any food in the lab at all, but we'd paid our money, so we span him anyway.
Most centrifuges aren't designed for people. No safety harnesses, no designated standing places, not enough room to fit both him and a crash helmet in. If we didn't get it up to speed very quickly, he'd be thrown about. Bruises would be ok, cuts would not. A bleeding coprophage in a centrifuge would have all his blood separated from him, with no chance of it clotting. Just a bit of luck ever would be nice, but ain't done gone got none: on the very first revolution he banged his nose. From then on it was a race to find the emergency stop switch before fatality ensued.
Big red button you'd think, right? Leaky centrifuge. It's why it was so cheap to hire. All the buttons were big red clotting buttons. Random hitting led to speeding up and slowing down, but no stopping. Slowing down led to more bangs, shattered bones, bleeding, screams (although they're slightly more tolerable when spun fast), and closer death.
A fortuitous power cut meant I could get him out. An infortuitous power repair meant I could only get him halfway out, and he was spun and had his head repeatedly beaten on the ground. He soon lapsed into unconsciousness, which thankfully stopped the screaming. A repetitious mushy crack isn't really a pleasant sound though. Long after he died, I still had to listen to that noise. It's always harder on the survivors.
I miss him, y'know. Really lovely guy, knew what he wanted to do, and did it without worrying what anyone else thought of him. An inspiration to us all, a real go-getter. Bright, witty, charming, quite nice hair. Awful breath though.