People
believe what they read; I had no idea.
Well,
here for just one such person is today's top ten amusing ways to
hurt or kill animals.
10.
Tell a giraffe you'll break her legs unless she makes a noise to
the contrary.
9.
Stamp on a tortoise. The shards of shell are remarkably similar
to shrapnel: if the tortoise doesn't die instantly, it will bleed
to death over the next 2 weeks.
8.
Two words: slug baseball.
7.
Puppies make excellent ready-meals. Pierce the film lid and place
the puppy in the microwave for 6 minutes on High. Remove film lid
and stir. Microwave the puppy for a further 2 minutes. Leave to
stand for 1 minute before serving and check the puppy is piping
hot throughout.
6.
Gargle with frog spawn. Swallow, don't spit.
5.
Blow up an abortion clinic. Chances are that there will be a
hamburger or something in there; that counts as an animal.
4.
Semtex suppositories on the animal of your choice. Experiment
with the explosive to body weight ratio to discover the kind of
splashback you like.
3.
Guide Dogs are allowed in cinemas. There must be a Tom Cruise
film out soon. You do the math(s).
2.
Take one cute, just alive, bunny wabbit from the freezer. Grind
into a powder using a pestle and mortar. Makes an excellent
seasoning for baked potatoes, pasta and much, much more.
1. Go to a
glass-blowing factory. Blow the glass-blower; in return he will
give you a long glass tube. Take this to the elephant you passed
on level 3. Use the glass tube on the elephant's trunk. When the
tube is fully inserted in the trunk, snap the tube.
I
do all of these all the time. I kill animals for fun, sometimes
for profit, always with as much pain as possible. Some people
like to kill the rare ones, I like to kill the cute ones: they
have the big eyes which pop sooooo well. One time I rigged up a
baby monkey to an IV drip and replaced all his blood with battery
acid, whilst playing psychological mind-games with his parents
until they were forced to eat each other in front of their dying
child. My absolute favouritest mostest bestest torturing of
animals was attaching the seven legs of an octopus (guess what I
did with the eighth) to butterflies' wings. Every time the
octopus moved, she would rip the wings off one of the
butterflies. The subsequent guilt the octopus felt at having
killed such sweet animals caused her to spend years in therapy
before killing herself in a pool of her own ink. She had never
found love.
Do
you still believe you retarded retard?