The famous Tim that isn't Tim Brooke Taylor or Tim Robbins tells us that M.I.T. is Tim spelled backwards. Retard. Obviously spelling and capitalisation isn't his strong point: miT is Tim spelled backwards; .T.I.M is M.I.T spelled backwards, and if we switch the full stop (vaginal bleeding for all y'all Americans) from the beginning to the end, we get T.I.M. or Tehran Is Marvellous. This is the slogan of the Baghdad Tourist Board who expect people to go to Tehran, realise it isn't marvellous and mosey on over to Baghdad for their hols. It works. Just look at the numbers. (In deference both to Tim and my laziness, M.I.T. will henceforth, and until the universe implodes, be known as MIT).
MIT was the origin of the thumbs up signal for good work, behaviour, good anything. Back in the 1930s MIT was a breeding ground for gays (weird genetic projects, a bit like the Arnold Schwarzenegger film Junior). Good behaviour was rewarded with a thumb inserted into the anus. Society didn't quite latch on to the thrusting and wiggling element of the thumbs up signal.
This time next year, MIT will be a bank. Currently all the pesky learning shit is being moved into a really big barn on the outskirts of Michigan, then all the other campus buildings will be devoted to all that bank stuff that you never see going on. Rather than being a proper bank, MIT will acquire 9.9% (competition rules) of the world's top twenty banks using knowledge gleaned from listening at keyholes and money gained from looking through keyholes. This time the year after next, MIT will have been really mean to the other people and taken over all the other banks and they'll be the only bank around. Groovy huh? Dunno why they're doing it; they just are.
Punt cars were invented at MIT. You may not have heard of them yet, but they'll be all the rage once the WWF superstars are seen driving around in them. They are in essence a punt on wheels, and a punt, for retards, is a boat you push along with a big stick. A gondola is a punt, and vice versa, I think; it's a little early in the morning - being 4:30pm - for me to be sure. Of course they have motors for going up hills and roofs so that people can feel isolated from the rest of the world. In fact they're more like cars than punts, except they have a hole in the floor with a big stick sticking out so you can push yourself along. All the folks at MIT are driving one; don't get left out of the next craze like you were with the yo-yos.
Famous alumni of MIT include, but are not limited to, the man whose eye is on the front cover of the latest Penguin edition of A Clockwork Orange, Demi Moore's left breast, that gymnast who shattered her spine at the Barcelona Olympics when she got drunk and tried to jump backflip to Madrid, that woman I can see walking down the street with the blue shirt and brown hair, Winston Churchill's illegitimate daughter Tiffany, Chris d'Lacey (the author of Scupper Hargreaves Football Genie), the man who first waltzed wearing only a pubic wig, Zangief from the Street Fighter series, Jeff Goldblum, and his monkeyboy Simon.
There is no wind at MIT cos it fucks up the T. Big windbreaks were erected (matron) all around the edge. No wind can get in, no wind can get out. Everyone's happy, and it means they can work outside on sunny days. Ha. They'll all get skin cancer and die; that'll teach them to be so fucking cocky, thinking they're better than us with their windbreaks, and their groynes that they put up to stop the sand from shifting around too much. Gimps. If I could have them killed and not suffer any consequences other than them not being there I fucking would.
MIT disease isn't named after the famous MIT, but instead is named after the German word for with. Not quite sure why that is cos it only affects folks at MIT, with no change in infestation noticeable in either Germans or people for whom the word 'with' has any significance. Must be some young wag pulling a jape, eh? MIT disease primarily affects the legs, arms, head and torso, and it turns them green and covered in maggots. Death soon follows. Studies at Yale (ptooie) suggest that MIT disease is a result of the local morgue being overheated, and while clinical trials are still going on, it's likely to be four or five years before a cure makes its way on to the open market. Try visiting your local drug dealers; they're there to help, so go ahead and ask them for further details.