And then kablowey. The Explosion That Was Heard All Over The World was heard all over the world, as all the terrorist groups, violent adjutants, bored housewives, American teenagers, freedom fighters, anyone with sub-societal possession of explosives detonated their local quarries and mines simultaneously. A very loud message was sent to everyone that terrorists would no longer accept being terrorised by their governments (who they, of course, refused to recognise, and didn't recognise them so much that they were actively plotting to overthrow them).
After sending out the clear message of strength of "Fuck with us and we fuck with your rocks. ...Well, blow them up. Oh, and if we can blow your rocks up, just imagine what we can do to your loved ones and citizens," a message of unity was called for, to send out the message of "Fuck with us and we'll all fuck with all your rocks. ...Well, blow them all up. Oh, and if we all can all blow all your rocks all up, just imagine what we all can do to your all all loved ones and all citizens". Less clear, but still messagey enough. The first meeting of UTTO (United Terrorists Terrorism Organisation) was opened by Nelson Mandela and his spear fresh from a warm, juicy umkhonto (yeah I know it's wrong, but how often does the opportunity for a Zulu near-pun arise? Once in a Bloemfontein, that's how often); he wore a shirt and pleaded for peace, or necessary violence, or something, I wasn't really paying attention.
Antithetical idealists stand shoulder to shoulder: Jew next to Arab, Arab next to American, everyone next to American except the British delegates who surreptitiously sidle up to the French folk, then sidle away because they smell of garlic. Not just nationalism, not just breakaway republics, but individuals too. Anyone who ever wielded a detonator in anger is invited. They have a group photo taken; they stand and smile. Many will be dead this time next year, the victims of their own short fuses, but for one glorious moment that doesn't matter. They say "we may try and kill each other because we have a point to make, but if when we try to kill you, you fight back, we're going to fight back. Together." The balance of power is shifting to those willing and able to kill everyone else.
Hands are shook, nets are worked, ideas are floated. Suicide bombers are helped to release their angst in other ways, not denying for a second their right to kill, but increasing the longevity of their movement. Lonely crazed maniacs exchange email addresses. Environmental pressure groups threaten to blow people up unless they use biodegradeable explosives rather than the plastic variety. Lectures are given on the dangers of not following the fireworks code. Free pens, free samples. Drunken japes in the evening, degenerating into farce as ETA perform their homage to the Carry On films - the strongest pro-Basque series of films there ever was.
Outside, rowdy governments picket, chanting "Say no to UTTO", but they're turned upon with cannons (none of your pathetic watery nonsense) and rapidly disperse one way or another. Keynote speaker Samuel L Jackson (it's a PR thing) has an egg thrown at him by a plucky protestor prominent in the Bush Jr Cabinet, but enjoys the opportunity to bring his on-screen persona off screen, and shoots the fucker through the face. You probably saw the pictures on the news. His speech called for increased support from taxpayers for terrorists of all backgrounds, calling on the public to offset the short term increase in taxation against the long term social and economic benefits that succesful coups, regicide, and some word like regicide, but meaning killing governments that I didn't quite catch because Nelson Mandela was berrating me for suggesting he was a homosexual, would bring. He received a rousing round of applause, quickly and politely becoming a standing ovation, but we all knew that his ideas would never come to fruition: people, even when faced with common sense policies for a better tomorrow, are unwilling to pony up the moolah.