Provided the next man enjoys setting people wearing plastic trousers on fire to teach them a well deserved lesson - don't worry, the thin layer of sweat protects them from most of the deep burns; try it kids - then I enjoy burning plastic as much as the next man. This is the season of mists and yellow wastefulness, so big up to the whole plastic burning scene, with its syrupy dripping and its black smoke that may or may not be acrid depending on the cliché quotient in the rest. However, chicks dig that whole environmental scene with the being nice to baby seals, not killing things, recycling, and not burning puppies without good cause, so I'm gonna pretend to care.
What is a gal to do with all these empty pizza boxes floating about? If it's ok with you I'm gonna make cheap, affordable, tautological transport for the messes. And I'll do it without your blessing too; there may be the semblance that I'm asking you unnecessarily and that your input isn't valid. If it looks like a duck, smells like a duck, sounds like a duck and tastes like a duck then it probably is a duck, or Jack 'I'm Jack Nicholson' Nicholson in a duck outfit. Or to put it another way, I'm gonna revolutionise transport and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it grapeboy. ¡Viva la revolución del rectángulo de la pizza!
Go-karts never really took off did they? They're fun for a moment or two, but no-one would ever use them to travel any great distance, and do you know why? Bad marketing, that's all. Make them all recycled and environmental and the crazy folk'll lap em up as if they were a big bowl of nice stuff. Make them shiny silver and the wanky folk'll lap em up as if they were a shiny silver bowl of nice expensive stuff. Now that that's all sorted, the only thing to do is to create the product; easier said than done or folk'll with stammers, easier done than said for t'others.
One large empty pizza box at the back to sit on - sans un peu of old cheese left in the box, now scraped out and fed to the duck - a smaller box at the front to put feet on, and have the axle going through (doop doo do do de do doo, doop doo do do DE do doo, dun dun dee da da-dun-da da du daaa). Magic. All done. Place your orders. Hideous accidents, quickly recall them all, major public relations exercises - sponsoring disabled poets or something - redesign the pizza box go-karts so they're not just two pizza boxes, but now include wheels and all that crazy technical jazz that the boys at the lab deal with. Most importantly strengthen the pizza boxes so they can take the weight of all but the most obese of all people. Perhaps lightweight concrete filling the boxes, perhaps some form of liquid plastic that sets firm when it comes into contact with cardboard, perhaps just stack three or four boxes in a triangle shape (three probably) cos triangles are invincible, which is why you never see any triangular planes crashing, or triangular ducks dying. More advertising, more sales. More money.
They don't work as well as they should. No possibility of being sued, so no recall, just an updated design released six months later, this time with pedals so as to provide the form of propulsion sadly lacking in Pizza Box Go-Kart v1.1™. These can be taken from the unsold non-pizzafic go-karts languishing at the backs of ships, untouched by human hands. In fact, just take the whole of the old go-karts, just remove the seat and replace it with a pizza box, burning all the seats. Or melt down all the trousers to make new plastic seats and paint a pizza box motif on them. Or... or... ideas, ideas, so so many many ideas ideas. [Insert sudden, random ending, possibly funny, probably not].