YES I FUCKING CAN

Awww come on you bunch of goatsucking fucks (apart from you, obviously), I expected less of you. Not one unsubscription or email of complaint at my apparent hatred of the disabled? I guess you either can tell when I'm testing you, you hate disabled people (naughty), or you just don't care. I feel so rejected; I felt sure you'd be upset by what I said, or at the very least one of the near 200 of you would hit the reply button and say "You ARE joking, aren't you?" Ok, here's my admission: I wasn't brutally beaten by a bunch of deaf, dumb and blind kids, I don't hate disabled people any more than able-bodied people, I haven't played pinball in too long, I once downloaded an mpeg of a woman blowing a horse, and I don't have enough courage in my convictions to say "I hate disabled people" without saying that I don't soon after.

I thought I could say anything without my own warped guilt mechanisms kicking in. I can say Michael Jackson is a nigger, I can say I am Jesus, I can say I like stamping on small kittens, but, perhaps offensively, I can't say that I hate disabled people without an e-apologia bringing up the rear. Prejudice: I am differentiating disabled people because they are disabled. I feel bad when calling disabled people a bunch of retarded cripples, and now when I say I was only joking I feel bad for having to say I was joking. I just can't do anything right, can I? This is so not what I need right now. I don't need all of you judging me and not telling me that I shouldn't say nasty things about disabled people, and then also not telling me that I shouldn't say I'm joking solely about disabled people. Andy Conrad had the right idea: don't tell anyone what you think about people, don't let them know about your prejudices, don't let them judge you. Andy Conrad had the right idea: be anonymous. How many of you have heard of Andy Conrad (apart from you obviously)? For all you know he could be a nominal amalgam of Handy Andy from Changing Rooms and Joseph Conrad. For all you know, there may not be a single person in this world called Andy Conrad. See? See how anonymous he is? In this twisted world where children are older that their parents, and the real Eurodisney can only be reached through a secret passage in the Channel Tunnel, the true heroes are unsung like Andy (he lost his voice box to cancer).

So do we have any disabled people on this list? (Yeah yeah, I know: we're all disabled in some way, either mentally, physically, spiritually, economically or mccoistally). HELLLOOOOOOO? Speak up. I said ARE THERE ANY RETARDED CRIPPLES OUT THERE? CAN YOU HEAR ME? No? Yes? Any dykey niggers? Anyone? Or are you all upper-middle class white boys who spend all day working on your baseball swing and spend all night dryfucking cheerleaders? Where's the real hatred? Not in the so-called offensive language, as far as I can see. So who's offended yet? What could I say to offend you? I'd like to know, really. What sentence could I say to you, or just in general that would cause you offence? Which collection of words are going to drive you screaming to the nearest mother-substitute? And if there truly is nothing that I could say to offend you, why not? Have you thought about that? Can't you feel the hatred oozing out here? Can't you feel the desire to hurt you all, and drive you to tears? Don't you realise that the only way I can feel better about what has happened to me is to lash out at you? I need answers. What could I say to offend you? Just hit reply and type one fucking sentence.